


im thinkin arbys

by lancegwenarthur



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Post-Fall (Hannibal), and theres an implied blow job, happy early birthday mads, honestly i think of hannibal as surprisingly young!, it requires letting some logic stuff slide, they go back to america, this is from that one post about him soon qualifying for senior discounts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27241348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lancegwenarthur/pseuds/lancegwenarthur
Summary: if will decided to go too far for a joke
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	im thinkin arbys

Hannibal assumes that Will is sneaking them into the US so that they can kill Alana. He won't say anything, not wanting to spoil the surprise. He was turning fifty-five soon (already was on his fake identification), and they’d killed Bedelia for his fiftieth. He didn’t even think of Alana’s foolish bravery these days, his emotional bandwidth taken up by Will. Well, they could still take in an exhibition or visit a restaurant if tying up loose ends didn't impart enough satisfaction.

At first, Hannibal assumes that Will is attempting to maintain a low profile by stopping at a fast food restaurant, so he does not argue when they pull into the KFC drive-through. It was a little odd when Will mentioned Hannibal’s recent birthday to the cashier, but maybe he was simply excited about his plans. Will had seemed quietly delighted at the free small drink they get, so Hannibal focuses on settling in at the hotel and not what he's eating.

The next day, Will has something on his mind. Hannibal treasures every moment in which Will is truly present, so he can tell immediately when he isn’t.

“The workings of your mind have always been the most fascinating thing about you. What I wouldn't give to be able to see inside your brain. Our neural pathways are affected by genetics and upbringing, but many cultures believe that there is something divine bringing our minds to life. Tell me, Will, what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking Arby’s.” An inexplicable answer as any Will has given. Hannibal finishes getting ready and follows Will out the door.

The restaurant they end up at gives Hannibal pause. There’s no reason for them to be there: they have settled into their hotel and could go anywhere in the city for lunch. There have to be decent restaurants that are not obvious. Will mentions Hannibal’s age again, and they get ten percent off. This flicks a switch in Hannibal’s brain; a pattern has emerged. Now he only needs to find out the why of this little plan. Keeping his cards close to his chest, he eats what Will orders him, knowing that his husband's expectations are being thwarted. Will is as reluctant as Hannibal to let on that he is confused. They sit in the rental car and eat in stubborn silence.

They also get ten percent off of dinner, but he’d rather have paid twice as much for a proper meal. They barely take their eyes off each other as they order the least appealing dishes and look for any signs of disgust. They manage four courses as they wait for the other to break and either spit something out in their napkin or ask a question.

The tension of mutual scheming mounts and soon turns sexual. It really is amazing what one can get away with in a disastrously understaffed restaurant. They’re familiar enough with the voices they other makes when alluding to something for Hannibal to know that Will is quoting something when he says “and I feel God in this Chili’s tonight” when Hannibal swallows the first palatable mouthful since the plane landed.

It appears that the culmination of their Odyssey is IHOP, the crowning glory of senior menus. Hannibal decides to do a little more playing on their last morning in the United States, maybe ever. His eyes find the menu item that will sound the most ridiculous in his accent and cadence. “Although the offerings at restaurants such as these can often be of inadequate quality, the innovation to be found in some dishes can make up for this. Tell me, Will, what do you know of the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity?”

A woman the next table over heard that short speech and laughed.

Will and Hannibal smiled at each other over their cheap coffee.

"Okay, okay. It's your birthday trip, so I guess I'll lose the game and tell you," Will began.

"Please, allow me," Hannibal replied.

Will tilted his head and smiled. The satisfaction of being totally known was sweeter than gloating over a plan well laid. "All right."

"You left America before you could reap the benefits of senior discounts--which, by the way, are incorrectly named, but Americans think anyone over forty should be left for dead--nevertheless, you felt odd at leaving all that money on the table, as it were. This doesn't sit right with you, as you would have been raised to save money where you could."

Will nodded. "Maybe that's not the right hangup to have, but it's the least alarming red flag about my mental health I can think of."

"Was that your entire reason for us to risk our freedom for fast food?"

"I also wanted to know how much junk I could get you to eat."

**Author's Note:**

> it became not a joke but a class thing at the end? can the ihop for 2 hour parental visitation on christmas white trash crowd please stand up


End file.
